Poison
by Paint Me Violent
Summary: A drabble about decisions, disappointment and love.


"You've poisoned my mind."

Loki looked at Tony, who was starring right back at him with despair and… was it regret?

"You killed me."

Thor turned sharply to his brother with confusion clearly etched on his face and then turned to Tony who was as pale as snow, the corners of his mouth turned down. A rare expression on Stark's face.

"Tony, what is my brother talking about?"

Thor, of course, was privy to information that at some point, after a long holiday his brother and Stark had taken, Loki became obsessed. Obsessed with the idea to wake up.

He tried asking Tony about what exactly happened with his little brother, but all he got from Stark was a sneer and a haunted look in his eyes. He tried asking Loki, but in response there was only nonsense which was hard to believe.

"Yes, Tony, tell my brother _what_ you did to me."

Loki's face was a hard mask. However, the anger was evident, slipping through the cracks in the mask. And it was all directed on only one person in the room – Tony.

"Tony, what is Loki talking about?"

Tony rubbed his forehead and looked at the golden giant.

"We experimented. And one day woke up in limbo."

Bruce drew a gulp of air and cursed. He, himself, had never been down there, but he heard the whispered horror stories about soldiers who woke up and didn't remember their lives before going under. Of their screams and pleas to go back to sleep for just one more hour. But it was not how _Loki_ acted. There was no persistent idea to go back to sleep, but to wake up. And wasn't that strange? But maybe it depended on how long the person spent here?

"How long had you been there?"

"A very long time."

Tony looked at Loki, who had been starring at the photographs on the wall. Most of them showed happy scenes – birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings. But Loki's gaze rested on a picture that showed a simple home scene - Tony and Loki sitting by a window, both smiling, with happy, daring eyes.

The young man remembered it well. A few hours before going under to experiment, to make a breakthrough. To lose themselves to a world that was not real, created by his own mind.

One of the happiest moments in his life was only a few hours before the biggest tragedy he had ever experienced. Ah, such a waste of paper and time.

Loki knows that he was poisoned. But it only added to the madness that had been _always_ there. Before limbo it was subtle and shimmering with silver and green, just right, but not enough to put him out. But this, this brilliant, delicious, comfortable madness was doing the trick nicely. Was it not?

"How long exactly?"

"We died there," his voice was hoarse, Loki noted and coughed, "more than once."

"And you didn't try to wake up?"

Loki heard music. It swelled around him, sipping into his ears, to his mind, to the very soul. _Wake up_, soprano sang, _wake up_. The words lingered in his mind, and he squeezed his eyes shut, balled his hand into the fist, the nails dug painfully and he could feel blood tickling down.

It was not his reality, he knew that, but he could stay in this dream a little longer, just a little.

And heard the dying notes of the music. Gone.

"Not at first. And then not both of us."

"Stark, what have you done to my brother?" Thor was furious, beyond furious. Was it not enough that his brother was now on the mad side, barely winning the fights against the whispers of suicide in his head? And now, as it turned out, Stark was the responsible one for that.

Tony glanced at the younger man, who was still starring at photos of long-forgotten happy days and then turned back to Thor.

"Loki hid a part of himself somewhere so deep down, where neither he himself nor I could reach it. Limbo became his reality."

"Because it set me free!"

Loki whirled around to face the little audience in their living room. However, his eyes were only on Tony.

"You saw what we've done there. You've experienced it first-hand! And you still wanted to wake up…"

"I saw everything. What you did to limbo and what limbo did to you. Limbo made you want to stay in a dream. And I couldn't allow it to take you away from me. I was afraid to wake up to a man who would no longer want to be kept back by reality."

"And so, you decided to destroy my mind, to make me believe that my reality was only a dream. You infected me so that I would never go away. You destroyed our lives, whatever hope we had for a future, because you were afraid of being abandoned. You're not only a fool, Anthony, but a coward too."

Loki turned away from the team and looked out of a window. When did it begin raining? Why had he not heard it? And then again, why it is raining? What if it is a dream? After all, he hadn't witnessed the beginning, but wound up right in the middle. But then again, it didn't feel like a dream, but it also wasn't his reality. He was caught in between, forever running from one idea to another, and when reaching one of them, realizing that the other was a right one.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry", whispered Stark, making a step towards Loki who jumped away from him.

"No!" Was his curt exclaim. "Don't speak to me, don't touch me… I _hate_ you."

"You incepted him."

Clint's voice sliced through the silence like a knife through butter. Thor's mouth opened slightly in astonishment, he gaped like a fish at his brother, at Tony.

"You're absolutely right, Clint. To wake me Tony implanted an idea in my head. That everything I see is not real. But his perfect backfired. And now I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or if it is reality." He raised a finger, effectively stopping Thor from saying something. "And no matter how many times you try to imply that it is reality, I still do not believe you. Never will."

"You will undo it!" snarled Thor at Tony. "You will."

"No, Thor, you fool! Stark planted an idea in my head. Once it put down roots, it is practically impossible to get it out without ruining the mind, without erasing a very large part. It's like exterminating a parasite from one's body, some of blood and flesh will be lost forever."

"But it is possible, isn't it?" Two sets of eyes stared at Tony, who nodded back.

"With some research, yes."

"And I am the best point man, right?" Clint wrestled out a small smile. "We'll do it."

Loki could be an ass sometimes, even The ass, but he was Clint's best friend. And the man was brilliant, no doubt about that. Tony and Loki were both brilliant, researchers, pioneers of dream world. Yes, Tony did some grand shit. But if he could undo it, Loki would forgive him, right? Forgive and make up. At least Clint hoped this would be the case, after all the team wouldn't be able to go on with half of it at odds.

"Then why hadn't Stark already reversed the idea? Undoing idea is impossible."

"Nothing is impossible, Loki," bit back Thor. "Wasn't that your line, brother?"

Loki shrugged and turned back to the window.

"Lo," called Clint, "I know I sound optimistic, but we always managed to do the impossible things when we joined forces. And even now we can think of a way out of the hole without damaging your mind. I'm a point man, and it was always me who didn't believe in your crazy ideas. And if _I_ believe it possible, then we will manage it."

Clint turned to Tony and Loki looked at the man, too. However, his eyes betrayed him, they didn't harbor any hope, his eyes were those of a very tired man.

"I will try it. No. I will do it. I promise you."

The edges in Loki softened and he let a miserable sigh out:

"If so, I can only agree."

xxx

"Have you ever loved me like you claimed to?"

Loki was sitting on the sofa opposite Tony who was sprawled on the floor, sketching the design of a hotel, after all it was always useful to have a couple of spare levels. He didn't look at Tony, still engrossed in toying with letter blocks.

"It's… I know that you love me, but is this like you said it is, or is it just a twisted obsession to keep me, to bind me to you by any means… be it my shattered sanity or the inability to connect to BIFROST?"

"You assume too much, Lo."

"In the past I assumed too little and look where it lead me. A whole collection of broken dreams and a husband who shattered them."

"I told you that I'm sorry. I just wanted us to go back, stop dreaming and reliving our lives under different names. I wanted us to have something real."

"We had everything real. Our names and our childhood changed, but our personalities, we didn't. We had an amazing relationship. We were happy and in love. Was that not enough, Tony?"

"We were dreaming. You became lost. You thought that the world down there was yours."

"But it was! For us, it was. Nothing changed between us, we had our family and friends, we had jobs. We lived and slept together. But was it enough for you? No."

"Our friends were just projections. Our house was made by my mind. And I wanted to go back, where I could not predict every damn second. I wanted to breath fresh air without the lingering smell of drugs. I wanted to find new, unlearned things. I wanted to really age. And you forget that I knew everything around us was just our imagination."

Loki rearranged the blocks again and furrowed his brows. Then rearranged them once more. And then one more time.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to make a word. I ask myself sometimes what would have happened if I have never met you? Would my brother and I have experimented with dreams? Would we have fallen to limbo? And would he have tried to wake me up by any means? He is not as smart as you, Tony, but there are other things he could have tried. Would he have destroyed our world with a plane crash or imagining our world exploding from a giant blast from aliens? He's quite fond of aliens, isn't he? With all his comics and articles about aliens one could wonder."

Loki once again concentrated on his blocks, however, he did continue to speak:

"And what if I stayed with Clint? If I said yes and didn't run away so cowardly. Would we have fallen down? Or would he have kept me back, grounded me from making so many mistakes? Or would he have set me free, follow me, stay with me? But the only thing I'm sure of that neither my brother nor Clint would have poisoned my mind against myself."

Tony looked at Loki, who was still trying to make some word.

"Why does it take so much time, you blocks?"

"There is a riddle, Tony. I have letters 'S', 'H', 'I', 'T'. And I need to make 'LOVE'. Can you?"

Tony pursed his lips and stretched his hand towards Loki.

"Give me your blocks. Now."

Loki threw them at the older man and watched as Tony took a pen and started drawing something on the blocks. When Loki got them back, there were large, bold letters: 'L' where once was 'I', 'O' instead of 'S', 'V' replaced 'T' and 'E' was hastily drawn over 'H'.

Corners of Loki's mouth twitched and he looked at Tony, grinning a little. And then he started laughing: low at first, it grew into hysterical laugher with twinkling eyes also smiling at Tony.


End file.
